Boy Movies #84

Robert Pattinson: Boy Movies investigates

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“Is there, what’s the right word,” I said to Nicholas and Haley as we left our showing of Mickey 17 at the accursed AMC 34th Street, “a dramaturgical reason he sounded like that?”

We mused about it during our descent down the 87 floors that theater forces you to scale in order to see a movie and/or use the bathroom. My friends informed me that the he in question — Robert Pattinson, star of Bong Joon-ho’s latest — claims to have modeled his character’s voice after everything from Ren & Stimpy to Johnny Knoxville, but the three of us came to the agreement that he probably just sounded like that (if you’ve seen the film, you know what I mean; if you haven’t but you’re generally familiar with Pattinson’s recent work, you still probably know what I mean) because, well, he’s Robert Pattinson.

A few days later, while innocently scrolling through the apocalyptic wasteland formerly known as Twitter dot com, I saw a video that ended up ruining the rest of my week. You may have already seen the clip, in which a red carpet reporter asks Robert Pattinson about the mass amount of fans who showed up for the Mickey 17 premiere. He cheekily replies, “It’s strange, it’s like a bunch of guys, which is a new one for me!” Now, this is something I suppose I’ve long been aware of in a distant sort of way, but not one I’ve ever actually considered. And yet the truth is undeniable, so undeniable that the man himself has noticed: Men absolutely fucking love Robert Pattinson.

Men love a lot of actors, of course. But what’s significant about Robert Pattinson is that this has not always been the case. His career trajectory is one that many before him have followed (this is what we in the biz call McConaughey Syndrome), though there’s something about him in particular that sends a certain section of the population wild. He’s sort of like the Michael Mann of 30-something British actors. Do I understand this phenomenon?

Two Robert Pattinsons: Do you love this?

I do not.

I’ve gone on record as a person who appreciates actors willing to make Choices, so I’ve always wondered what it is about Robert Pattinson that’s never done it for me. Until recently, I assumed that the issue stemmed from the fact that I have zero nostalgic attachment to him. I thought he was cute in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, because I was nine, but then his character immediately got killed off so I obviously forgot he existed, because I was nine. And despite being the target age for Twilight at the time of its release, I didn’t fuck with it due to believing it was super lame. I saw the movies as an adult, when I was able to laugh very hard at them because of how, yes, super lame they are.

But the many males who consider themselves Pattinstans in 2025 don’t seem to hold any sentimental fondness toward him either. Many of them seem to like him despite his origins as a perma-teen vampire. And it’s not just men I’ve come into contact with. A guy on Reddit, commenting on a post that came up when I earnestly googled “why do men love robert pattinson,” wrote, “First encountered him in Harry Potter and didn’t really notice him, ignored him completely during the Twilight/YA romance movies years, and was blown away by him in Good Time. His work since has been good, and I liked him quite a bit in The Batman.” Hm.

Here’s the thing: I’ve seen a decent chunk of Pattinson’s post-Twilight work. Crucially, I’ve seen most of the movies men cite when they defend their standom: Good Time, The Lighthouse, Tenet, The King, The Batman. It’s not as if he’s a total blind spot for me, like how I don’t understand David Lynch because the only reference I have for his work is the one time I tried to watch Twin Peaks and made it exactly fifteen minutes into the pilot before I decided I couldn’t possibly endure another second. I know the doll (Robert Pattinson), it’s just that he does nothing for me. I recognize that he’s talented, but he has yet to appear in a movie I really like. I understand him to be handsome¹, but I’d never think about it if I was simply looking at a photo of him. I couldn’t tell you a single thing about his performance as Batman; I grew up with Christian Bale and that is where my interest in the character ended. I thought it was cool when he dated FKA twigs, but then he had a baby with the girl Bradley Cooper read Lolita to in a park and I lost interest in him again. So what is it about him that has bewitched so many men? What is the explanation behind his massive pivot to male icon?

I recently set out to ask men I knew to explain to me what it is about Robert Pattinson that resonates with them. Here are a few of the answers I got.

Feeling unsatisfied by their responses (sorry to the men I know), I turned to a Substack feature I don’t normally use but seemed like a tool that would help further my research. Moments after my post went up, the replies started rolling in.

Okay so men like him because he’s “weird” both on and off screen. I assume this makes him “relatable”? Is this the male version of that quality that forced Jennifer Lawrence into hiding for a few years? I remember reading that infamous Covid-era GQ profile, the one that was referred to repeatedly in the comments, and thinking, “I hope to never be forced to make conversation with this person.” I don’t hate the guy — this is sincerely the most I’ve ever thought about him in my life — but as the proprietor of this newsletter, I have an innate curiosity for the role this conservative idea of the gender binary plays when it comes to how people enjoy movies. For Robert Pattinson to have had such an incredible graduation from reviled girl actor to revered boy actor is notable. It’s rare to watch in real time as a fanbase is remade from within.

Men love mystery, and so they love Robert Pattinson, an actor they see as mysterious. It all goes back to Tony Soprano asking what happened to Gary Cooper. I think Tony Soprano would loathe Robert Pattinson, but it makes sense that the modern movie-going man would be compelled by a guy who, after skyrocketing to fame in a supernatural romance franchise and subsequently becoming almost criminally overexposed as a result, has adopted an off-putting, purposely unnerving public persona. At the same time, he seems committed to making “out of the box” career choices. (I mean, again, he was Batman, but sure, I’ll let you guys have this.) I can see him appearing to men as the kind of actor who is truly and wholeheartedly about the work. I assume this is also why he appeals to their favorite directors: Christopher Nolan, the Safdies, Robert Eggers. It all tracks. When you spend a few days devoting a truly inexcusable amount of time to dissecting his allure, the pieces begin to fit together like a neat little puzzle.

It wasn’t until I reached the end of this anthropological study that I realized I hadn’t consulted even a single woman. And, well—

1. Frankly, that was my biggest issue with Mickey 17 — you want me to believe a guy with that jawline and those shoulders and those abs is a huge loser who everybody hates? Don’t waste my time. Pull a Jake Gyllenhaal in Nightcrawler and look emaciated and sickly or shut the hell up.