Boy Movies #9

A Boy Movies gift guide of sorts

This is Boy Movies, a newsletter written by a “critic” who was not asked to participate in the Sight & Sound poll. Hard to believe considering the incredible and undeniable splash Boy Movies has made in the industry, but I will continue running my independent fringe publication with enthusiasm. (If I had been asked, at least one vote would have been cast for the inclusion of Magic Mike XXL.) Anyway, if you like this newsletter, I would be grateful if you considered sharing it with someone who you think might enjoy receiving it in their inbox every week. My new year’s resolution is to acquire such a large and loyal subscriber base that I can stop begging you all to do this.

Do you mind if I quote girl musician Sufjan Stevens at the top of this issue? Okay, great: “Christmas is Frankenstein’s monster. You just start dropping all of the cultural artifacts, you get Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph, lights. Then there’s Santa Claus coming down the chimney. The whole thing is clear evidence of the depth of human pathology, what happens when we let our obsessions run wild.”

First, slay. Second, he’s right. Third, it comes from this great interview he did about how his two Christmas albums came to be. I recommend reading in its entirety — the way his brain works is unlike anyone else’s, and I appreciated how open he was about his shaky relationship with the holiday. Christmas is Frankenstein’s monster, a mangled capitalistic mess on one hand, a taxing reminder of the passage of time on the other. It’s all-consuming and unavoidable, but there’s part of me — likely the same part that’s been moved every time I’ve ever taken a trip to Disneyland — that still enjoys the celebration of it all. I was raised Catholic (can you literally tell), but I have no religious attachment to the day. It’s about the rituals and the process of buying gifts for people I love and the food and the lights and the music, which, sorry, I enjoy. I am instantly calmed by the act of sitting in a room lit only by a Christmas tree. But there’s also an undeniable dark sadness about the whole thing, the way the faux cheer can make me feel sick to my stomach. All this is to say I might be of two minds about Christmas, but I am by no means above it.

I digress. Mostly I just wanted an excuse to kick off the first annual (maybe, I don’t know, don’t hold me to this) Boy Movies holiday gift guide of sorts. Unlike traditional gift guides, I don’t have links for gifts to buy your friends that I make a commission off of (YET!), but I do have, with the assistance from some beloved contributors, a few boy movies I recommend watching during this weird, cold month.

A budget boy movie

We’re in a recession. I’m broke, you’re broke (if you’re not, my Venmo is @Allison-Picurro), and nobody has time for a long movie because we’re all grinding so hard. Many boy movies are long — this is because men don’t know when to shut up — but some are not. Bad Trip, an Eric Andre prank comedy that was quietly one of the best of last year, doesn’t overstay its welcome at around 90 minutes. It’s so funny and so stupid and what’s more boy than dudes who love pulling their little pranks? I’ve seen it twice and had a blast both times.

A boy movie for when you don’t mind spending a little more

Or maybe you’re flush with both cash (again, my Venmo is @Allison-Picurro) and time. Maybe you have all the hours in the world to spend watching a boy movie. Maybe you don’t want to think about anything other than the big display happening on the screen in front of you. And what a display RRR, S. S. Rajamouli’s sprawling action-fantasy that has stormed the international stage, is. I asked friend of the newsletter and phenomenal Australian, Claire Cao, to contribute a few words on why RRR is worth the three-hour investment:

“RRR is a three-hour epic about two jacked dudes on opposite sides of British-occupied India who fall so deeply in (bro???)love that they end up bringing down imperialism. One, Raju (Ram Charan), is an insane sexy cop for the English police with extremely long eyelashes, and the other, Bheem (N. T. Rama Rao Jr.), is his target, a big-hearted forest guardian seeking to rescue a kidnapped village girl from these maniacal white people. THEY MEET WITHOUT KNOWING EACH OTHER’S IDENTITIES… AND IMMEDIATELY BECOME BOY BEST FRIENDS. A boy movie in the deepest sense: Both Bheem and Raju are at peak physical fitness and have basically every skill in existence, including the ability to wrestle tigers with their bare hands. The run-time may be a million years long but every second had me hooting and hollering. It needed to be this long so it could include: dance battles, a musical friendship montage, motorcycle stunts, a zoo animal brawl, emotional TWIST flashbacks, and a prison break sequence where Bheem does a backflip while Raju is shooting rifles on his shoulders. Obviously, guys are obsessed with the heroic bloodshed and gorgeous spectacle of this movie (they love telling us it’s SOOO WILD!), but while watching, I was pondering what they were getting out of the scene where Raju is forced to publicly flog Bheem with a spiky BDSM whip while sobbing his eyes out. Are boy best friends just like that??? Will I ever understand the profound unspeakable bond between men????” -Claire Cao

A boy movie to watch with your mom

My mom — who is reading this and loves when I mention her, hi mom — and I mostly watch girl movies together. If you’re a person who watches movies with your mom I’m sure that’s also the case. But it’s fun to branch out! Big Night, a strange little film directed by Stanley Tucci and Campbell Scott, follows two Italian brothers (played by Tucci and Tony Shalhoub!!!!!) who attempt one last-ditch effort to save their declining restaurant. It’s a boy movie in the sense that it’s about the passions of male geniuses, the demoralization that comes with running a business, and most importantly, the power of brotherhood. Your mom will enjoy its gentleness and the fact that she can say, “Oh, X is in this?” when yet another member of its starry cast pops up. (Girls, Marc Anthony is in it.) It has a perfect gut-punch of an ending and it’s set on my homeland, the Jersey Shore. That’s amore.

A boy movie to watch with your dad

I wouldn’t know anything about watching movies with your dad (see: Boy Movies #3), but I’m aware of how many readers have alive dads (brag) and I must always cater to my audience. Since many of you seem to believe I’m keeping Boy Movies’ lead graphic designer, Sarah Turbin, chained up in a basement and forcing her to work without pay, I decided to shut down the rumors and let her, as someone with an alive dad, write a recommendation for this issue. (She also worked on the gift guide banner — don’t worry, I still have her doing her real job.) Here’s what Sarah had to say about why she thinks Stalag 17, Billy Wilder’s 1953 war film, is the ideal boy movie to watch with your dad:

“I know what you’re thinking: A black and white movie set during World War II at a German P.O.W. camp? If you’re actually consulting this list for movies to watch with your dad, then I KNOW the only WAR you’re interested in is the one between a Sacramento mother and daughter with a contentious but ultimately loving relationship in a coming-of-age story with supporting cast member Timothée Chalamet. But Stalag 17 is directed by Billy Wilder, an American filmmaker with proven girl movie chops (Sabrina, Some Like It Hot, Sunset Boulevard), so stay with me. Yes, it features an all-male cast and earns negative points on the Bechdel Test, but its suspenseful and fast-paced story of a group of American airmen trying to figure out who among them is an informant to the Nazis? That has no gender! You and your dad will appreciate the lovable ensemble cast, the humor mixed in with the drama, and the chess-like plot. Also, this film takes place during Christmas, but still works for viewers of all cultures — I should know, my Jewish dad loves this movie, and us Christmas agnostics have to watch something this holiday season.” -Sarah Turbin

A boy movie to watch with your bestie

Withnail & I is a perfectly ‘80s ode to boy best friends who hate each other but can’t live without each other. Bruce Robinson directs the icon himself Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann in this comedy about two piece of shit out of work actors who live in a dilapidated London house, love walking in on each other in the bathtub, and decide that they’re entitled to a vacation despite doing absolutely nothing with their time, which they become to determined to enjoy no matter what. In true hangout movie style, it’s meandering and odd and funny in an off-kilter way. It’s also so bafflingly homophobic that it circles back around to being super homoerotic, and it was iconically produced by George Harrison. You and your bestie will enjoy Withnail and Marwood’s prickly back-and-forth, and you both might just be crying a little by the end over the displays of masculine affection and heartbreak.

A boy movie to watch with your straight boyfriend

I know your straight boyfriend would be happy to watch any film we’ve already covered on Boy Movies, but if absolutely none of those speak to you, I understand and I sympathize. Boy Movies board member and Vanity Fair’s own Daniela Tijerina has a straight boyfriend, which means that when she says A Knight’s Tale, Brian Helgeland’s medieval adventure, is the quintessential boy movie to watch if you find yourself afflicted with the same condition, we should all listen:

“One of my boyfriend's favorite movies is A Knight's Tale. To me, it is Marie Antoinette for boys. An old-timey period piece set to classic rock starring the modernly handsome boy actor Heath Ledger. What’s not to love about that?” -Daniela Tijerina

A boy movie to watch with your bisexual boyfriend

That said, I know so many friends and colleagues who have found themselves in relationships with bisexual men (my condolences — jk) that it also seemed important to include a recommendation that is bisexual boyfriend-approved. Friend of the newsletter Andy Cawley married their bisexual boyfriend (who is also a Boy Movies reader — hi Erik!), so I knew they would be the perfect person to turn to for the right answer here. They chose, gorgeously, Skyfall, the third of Daniel Craig’s James Bond films. Here’s why:

“Skyfall walks the razor's edge between boy movie and girl movie. Yes, it has explosions, and guns, and ridiculously implausible vehicular chase scenes, but can any film that features the ubermensch Bond yearning for the childhood he never had and processing his daddy trauma be fully a boy movie? Undoubtedly the best of the Daniel Craig Bond movies, Skyfall follows the typical Bond formula — namely, interrogating the question of ‘Does Bond Still Got It???’ — while introducing unexpected angst and tragic backstory to the typically one-dimensional role. Your bisexual boyfriend will appreciate Daniel Craig's perfect ass in his tight little suits, his queerbaiting banter with Javier Bardem, and the guns and cars or whatever. And you will appreciate girlbossing Judi Dench — that's feminism, ladies! — and Ben Whishaw in a role that turned the Tumblr girlies feral in 2013. Plus, now you have an excuse to listen to ‘Skyfall’ by Adele on repeat for the next few weeks, which is a certified bop.

Oh shit, is that Albert Finney with like two lines at the end?? What doesn’t this movie have???”¹ -Andy Cawley

A boy movie and a girl movie for the fan who wants a taste of both

Nicole Kidman is Boy Movies canon. She’s an honorary member of the board, really, considering the amount of times I’ve mentioned her metamorphic AMC ad. For this reason, I thought of her while trying to come up with an actor whose career allows for a boy movie/girl movie double feature.

Kidman has no shortage of girl movies to choose from, but I’m recommending The Beguiled, Sofia Coppola’s moody psychosexual thriller starring Kidman alongside a bunch of other girl actors like Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning, and famous woman Colin Farrell. Here, Kidman gets to do what she’s best at and play Mother, specifically Martha Farnsworth, who runs a girls school during the Civil War. Shit goes nuts when she and her students take in an injured soldier (Farrell), and at one point he calls them all “vengeful bitches” — a line delivery that has stuck with me for years.

Consider The Beguiled a girl companion to The Northman, one of the only true boy movies Kidman has ever done. In Robert Eggers’ mythological action film, she once again plays Mother — specifically Alexander Skarsgård’s, who is basically playing Hamlet. You see where this is going: Skarsgård’s character’s father is murdered by his uncle, and Skarsgård has to kill his uncle in order to avenge his family. Despite co-starring Björk, this is a boy movie in ways we don’t even have time to get into, with its big battles and all those men fighting over who gets to be king. And look, yes, there’s incest, but I know how many of you watched House of the Dragon, so I don’t even want to hear it.

A boy movie for the boy movie skeptic

Whether you’re a girl movie loyalist (respect) looking to dip your toe into the world of boy movies or you’re entirely unfamiliar with the genre, I’m going to make this easy on you by letting you know that there’s no better place to start than with Steven Soderbergh’s Ocean’s trilogy. I’ve sung the praises of these movies so many times so many ways to so many people over the years, but they’re just that easy to love. Following a group of men (duh) — played by George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and a be-accented Don Cheadle, among others — who love nothing more than pulling off heists together, all three films flow with a zippy, non-threatening, low stakes rhythm. These movies aren’t about people being tortured by their moral grayness or even about the actual crimes. They’re just about the joy of watching how these guys play off of each other. I think one of the few redeeming aspects of modern society is that we can watch the Ocean’s movies whenever we want.

Lastly, a brief word on The Fabelmans

I saw Steven Spielberg’s latest, The Fabelmans, this past weekend, and hoo brother is that a boy movie. It’s based on Spielberg’s life and told through the eyes of his self-insert, Sammy Fabelman (played by Gabriel LaBelle, who I’m thrilled escaped the clutches of the forgettable American Gigolo show from earlier this year to give a star-making performance here), as he grows up and discovers da power of da movies. He loves to make his little films with his little friends! He cares about it more than anything else in the world! He’s clearly a budding genius, but his dad (Paul Dano) doesn’t take him seriously! He has a complicated relationship with his mentally unwell mom! A lot of really classic boy movie stuff going on, unsurprisingly.

I’ve heard some mixed things from friends and critics, but I was dazzled by the way it plays with memory: the things we remember, the things we repress, the things we alter, the things we still don’t understand. A lot of people are calling it underwritten, and not to be all “that’s the point,” but yeah, that’s the point²! It all really worked for me, as did every single gorgeous shot of a movie flickering across a character’s astonished face. We all tell ourselves stories in order to live. Steven Spielberg just gets to tell them on a big screen with the help of a big, broad Michelle Williams. I don’t mind one bit.

• Tis the season for end of the year lists, and TV Guide has the definitive opinions imo. Here’s our list of the best shows of 2022 and the best episodes of 2022, with our picks for the best performances of 2022 coming out tomorrow. I wrote some blurbs about Better Call Saul, The Righteous Gemstones, The Bear, and a bunch of my other favorite shows. Really good TV year, despite the significant lack of Kendall Roy on my screen.

• You can and should watch Convince Me I’m Real, a short film written and directed by bestie of the newsletter and legendary Boy Movies guest, Cassidy. It’s eerie and excellent!

• Who at Variety is reading Boy Movies… show yourself…

1. Andy’s recommendation was instantly so compelling that it inspired us to rewatch Skyfall together, along with Sarah and Erik, later that night. Absolutely perfect movie, start to finish. Shawn Mendes freaked it.

2. There’s a cool conversation happening between The Fabelmans, Aftersun, and, hear me out, AMC’s Interview with the Vampire — all works about, among other things, the complications with and unreliability of memory. It’s the theme of the year, baby.